Falling asleep

by Stacey

September 3, 2019

I wasn’t 100% I was doing the right thing when I went for my abortion. I loved my fiancée, we’re in our 30’s and wanted children together one day…but ultimately for a lot of reasons that don’t really matter, it was the wrong time and I knew I was lucky to be able to get pregnant but also lucky enough to be able to see that it isn’t right for me at at the time.


The idea of a surgical abortion terrified me and I wanted the medical option. When I came for my first appointment however I discovered I was 11 weeks and 3 days pregnant and didn’t have a choice. I had gone so long without noticing because I had only started to ‘feel’ pregnant’ in the last few weeks and just assumed my period would rear its ugly head like it always did in the end.


The first appointment for me was horrible. Nobody told me what was happening before they did it so I went in for a scan not knowing what was happening at all. I laid down and could see the screen and had to turn my head. “It’s viable” the sonographer said to the other gentleman in the room who seemed to be reading a textbook. And again when he ignored her “it’s viable”. These words made me cry and my fiancée was there to support me as I had my bloods taken and was about to come in to see the doctor with me when she asked for 5 mins alone first. It turned out they wanted to make sure he wasn’t coercing or controlling me in to having the abortion. He wasn’t so it was explained to me (finally an explanation of something) and booked in for a week Tuesday.


Nobody could come to the abortion itself which I was so worried about. It didn’t seem fair. At the day theatre though everyone was very kind and very thorough. They explained everything that was happening and constantly asked if I had any questions or if was ok.


Once I had on the disposable gown and pants it was a waiting game. A nurse came to give me the misoprostol which sat like two chalky dead weights in my dry nil by mouth cheeks. I felt like I could feel it working as my womb started to feel a tiny pulling sensation. This could have been psychosomatic as I believe the job of the drug is to soften the cervix but that was my experience so I’m sharing it. This is when the guilt really started to kick in.

I cried a lot from then and was ready for the horrific experience I felt I deserved on some twisted level. When my name was called they laid me down on a bed and told me I was going to sleep now.


I stared at the ceiling and listened to the cliched beeping of the machine as tears rolled down my cheeks. I don’t even feel sleepy I thought of course I’m not going to sleep. The next thing someone is calling my name and it’s a nurse and I’m in a different room. He’s telling me everything went perfectly and how do I feel and can he take my blood pressure. I felt slightly out of it for a minute or two but then started to feel much better quickly. I was wheeled back to my waiting space and offered tea, water and a sandwich. How could it all be over. The heaviness in my womb was still there but no really even any blood apart from a little smudge in my disposable pants.


When I had peed and the nurse checked I had indeed started bleeding (a very light sort of bleed) the nurse said I could get dressed if I wished. I asked tentatively could I go home and was told yes as soon as I had seen someone to give me antibiotics and aftercare advice and lift came to take me.


At home I bled a bit more for the first couple of hours but it’s now day two and I feel like I’ve escaped. Next to no pain, very light bleeding and such an easy experience I felt I had to share it for anyone worried. While I never hope to have to go through that again for emotional reasons (I really do want children when the time is right) the actual experience of a surgical abortion the thing I was so, so scared of was as easy as falling asleep. So if you’re not ready for pregnancy or a child, please don’t let something as silly as a fear of abortion put you off. Especially if you have the surgical. I can’t speak for medical because I haven’t had it but I can’t imagine it’s that easy.

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