I came out of the surgery and was hit with a wave of gratitude and pure happiness.
I had my son when I was 21. When I found out I was pregnant I visited a women’s clinic to seek out abortion information because I really knew nothing about it. I was scared and really didn’t understand the gravity of the decision I was facing. I did the ultrasound, was given a copy, and was told to give it a think and call for an appointment for the surgical abortion the following day (due to Virginia state abortion laws). I left really overwhelmed. I ended up not calling and carried the pregnancy to term.
Fast forward 2 years. I’m no longer with my son’s father but still living with him. Co parenting and working out our next steps. I began dating and I jumped into another relationship and quickly wound up pregnant.
I booked an appointment at the same clinic I had 2 years prior. I did the ultrasound and made my follow up surgical abortion appointment immediately. The decision for me this time felt clear.
Due to intense morning sickness that was hard to hide, I shared with a co worker that I was pregnant and having an abortion. At this point she was the only other person that knew beside my then boyfriend. I wasn’t sure how it would be received. She immediately shared her abortion stories with me. I asked questions, she offered up advice and consoled me on the bathroom floor. I’m grateful every day she chose to be open and share with me, it gave me a lot of strength. She also insisted I pull the funds together to get IV sedation and to that I owe her a huge thank you.
My clinic and abortion experience was a positive one. I was so incredibly ill from morning sickness I could not wait to not have that end. In the surgery waiting area I met a women who shared she too had children and could not support any more. We shared a moment that left me feeling validated and ready to terminate. I came out of the surgery and was hit with a wave of gratitude and pure happiness. Like legit happy tears quietly streaming down my face. It could’ve been the lingering anesthesia but I felt a huge weight lifted off of me. They handed me an exit feedback sheet and I wish I could remember exactly what I wrote. There was a lot of praise, deep gratitude and smiley faces.
My only regret and pain from the abortion comes from being alone throughout the process. At the time I thought I was being strong and protecting myself from potential judgment by going through it alone. My then boyfriend chose not to come with me but rather sent an Uber to his place where I planned on recovering. He came home that evening, began breaking up with me and asked me to leave.
I wish I would’ve told my sisters or a friend for support in the following days. I should’ve. I needed it. But I didn’t.
As years went on I opened up to my whole family including my parents. I received so much support and love and it made me wish I would’ve done it sooner. Both of my parents then opened up and shared their abortion stories that they had NEVER spoken to me about, nor each other. It was eye opening for us all.
Sharing felt scary but the majority of my healing has come from being confidently open about my choice. And, I’m grateful to those who gave me strength by sharing theirs.
