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I was shamed by everyone who knew about it…

by Lea

March 13, 2019

Content Warning: coercion, force

I was 15. In “love” with the man I thought I wanted to marry. We had unprotected sex ONCE, and I got pregnant. I didn’t even realize something was up till I was about 3 months pregnant. I got sick one morning. Threw me off because I wasn’t feeling sick. I decided to take the city bus into town and get a pregnancy test. I took it-++… I was terrified.

 

I told my best friend. She told her mom. Her mom then talked to me and said if i didn’t tell my grandparents by the next day, that she would. I told my grandma that night. She made me tell my grandpa the next day. They gave me an ultimatum: get an abortion or live on the streets. That if I didn’t get an abortion I’d be shaming the family name and never amout to anything. So, I got an abortion. I was asked 3 times if this was “my choice”, to which I replied yes each time. I was scared to say otherwise. I didn’t know what other choices I had than to listen to my family. I remember everything about those 2 days. Because i was so far along (5 1/2 months), I had to do a 2 step procedure. The doctor told me what I was having, tho I didn’t want to know. Waking up from being put under was horrible. I got sick several times. I wasn’t waking up correctly. They had to give me a shot of steroids to wake me up. I was in pain for many weeks after, both mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I was shamed by everyone who knew about it. The guy i thought was the “love of my life” cheated on me after he moved and then broke up with me. And for years after, my grandparents would throw it in my face when we would argue. It hurt every time, because I never wanted the procedure done. It wasn’t my choice. It finally took my grandma yelling, “well at least I’ve never shamed the family name by having an abortion” for me to tell back “stop! Stop throwing that in my face! I never wanted it!!! I didn’t want to have an abortion! I had 3 chances to put a stop to it! But I said yes its my choice every time I was asked!! It hurts! It hurts every damn time you bring it up! I was in physical and emotional agony for weeks following the procedure! Did you care?? No!! Did you ever ask me if I was okay? No!! No one did! This is going to be the last you ever bring it up! I’m done! This goes for pops too! If either of you bring it up again, say goodbye to me because I refuse to be hurt by my family anymore.” And I stormed out of their house and drove home.

 

My grandma called me the next day and apologized. She said she never knew that was how I felt about it and that i suffered after. And that was the last we ever spoke of it. I’m pro-choice 100%, as long as it’s YOUR CHOICE. I have since become more open to my experience in hopes that more people become aware that it is the WOMAN’S CHOICE on whether or not she wants to terminate a pregnancy. I share my story whenever given the chance-whether on social media or in person. I’m comfortable having a debate and standing my ground on “My body, My choice”.

I’m glad I watched the hiho video on this. I’ve never shared so much detail about it before either. I feel great right now. I really do. Thank you for giving a platform like this to share our stories about our experience

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!