I’ve had two abortions in the past 6 months. I remember thinking when I was younger how terrifying the idea of abortion was. How taboo it was, morals aside. As I got older, I realized that mindset was only because of what society had instilled in me. I’ve been on birth control on and off since 15, and frankly – I would always (somewhat sarcastically) joke to myself that I had to have been infertile. I never got pregnant!! I was so lucky! – Until I did.
My first pregnancy was August 2020. I was 4 weeks. I had just had my heart broken and, well, let’s just say I went on a kicker. I missed my period for 2 months straight. I had taken a pregnancy test at one point but it was negative. I tested again and there it was clear as day, positive. I knew from that second on I had to have an abortion. It wasn’t a question in my mind. Within two days, I was in the clinic. They advocated for the pills, and I didn’t question it. Doing it in the comfort of my own home? Hell yeah! Little did I know, personally, those pills were so painful. So very, very painful. I cramped and bled for a month. I got admitted to the ER (granted they didn’t really do much except for my doctor telling me abortions are “dangerous”, lovely I know.) Anyways, although it was painful – I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And EVERYONE has a different experience. I’m so happy I did it. I never felt regret, or guilt. Im a very empathetic person, so I feared I would.
My second pregnancy and abortion was March 2021. I just had my surgical procedure yesterday. I went to the same clinic, I was surprised to find out the procedure cost the same as the pills where I live. I knew I couldn’t do the pills again, and with personal research I realized I needed to do the in clinic procedure. I was there for 9 hours. The waiting was so tedious. They tried swaying me into doing the pills, but I wasn’t budging. After counseling, ultrasound, and blood work, they gave me two little pills to dissolve in my mouth. They didn’t taste like anything, so don’t worry! They caused some mild cramping and bleeding. I finally got called back. This was when it got scary. They sat me in this mundane white walled room and I was staring up at the ceiling waiting. I personally didn’t have the nicest doctor or nurses considering they didn’t speak to me by the time my twilight anesthesia kicked in, but hey. I was KNOCKED out. I woke up in a recovery room which I was personally expected to be a better experience because stories I’d read seemed that way but my nurse was not necessarily the best. When I came to from anesthesia she didn’t comfort me, I kept asking where I was or if I’d even had my surgery yet and one of the other patients told me. I immediately threw up and my nurse handed me a cloth to clean it myself, freshly out of anesthesia. Coming out of anesthesia was the worst part for me. I had a 3 hour ride home. You’re more likely than not going to need someone to drive you. Today I feel completely GOOD, and only mild bleeding. I’m so, so grateful for my abortions and I will never feel shame. You shouldn’t either. Abortions are women’s healthcare and one day they will be normalized! Don’t allow anything to scare you. You’ll be okay. Being a woman is never easy, but it’s worth it for how strong you get to come out on the other side.
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