Difficult decision, relieved in the end

by Paula

January 4, 2023

I am a 28 year old woman living in Germany. I always had plans for becoming a late mother – maybe only 5 years later with 33+. When I found out I was pregnant in week 5/6, I was shocked – I just made huge exciting plans for the following months and years, which wouldn’t really fit well with having a child. On the other hand, my partner was so happy to be a father. Initially I thought that I didn’t have a reason good enough to get an abortion – financially, mentally, physically I was able! But there were these strong doubts. I wanted to spend more time with my partner (we recently ~ 1 year ago got to know us), I wanted to follow my dreams and projects. When I visited potential (bigger) apartments and got informations about child care etc, it didn’t feel right. I was scared, and also I didn’t want to get a child and regretting it. I wouldn’t want this either for my child or for me.

I talked to many people, friends and also mothers. I didn’t know how to ever make this decision. It was a terrible 2-3 weeks, I cried too much.

At one point I decided to proceed with the pregnancy, also because my partner’s joy was sparking and getting to me when we spend time together. But when I was alone, the doubts came back stronger. A friend had told me: if this was a dream and you would wake up, would you want it to be true? I didn’t want this, if I was totally honest.

So I finally went to have a surgery abortion. Afterwards I felt so relieved. Until now I don’t regret it, but instead feel very grateful to have the privilege to get a safe abortion. Even if not everything is good regarding abortion in Germany (profamilia, costs, not so many doctors available), it is safer here than elsewhere. I wish for all people in need of an abortion to get this basic health care and a safe one!

The decision was so difficult for me, but in the end it also made me realize what is really important for me in my life right now. You have the power to make a good decision for you, too!

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