Hi, I am 19. I had my abortion when I was 18, and your page has helped me so much.

My story is that I missed my period and I took a test. The test was faint but positive. I then took a few more. All came out the same.  I had symptoms but I was in denial. I didn’t believe it until I took an electronic one. Once I did that and it came out positive, I was scared. I think I was scared because I knew the decision that I had to make but I didn’t want to make it. I am in a healthy relationship but we were healing from a lot from the past. We lived together, but he had a lot of things to figure out and I did as well. I wanted to keep it so bad but I also wanted to support it. I knew I could not do that, neither emotionally because I am healing from a lot of trauma, or financially. I was starting college.

Anyways, I told my mom the same day I took the electronic test. She took me to an abortion clinic right away. In my state, it was illegal so I had to drive a few hours. The entire time I was conflicted between what I wanted to do for me and what I wanted to do for it. And I don’t know if it was my motherly instinct but all I knew was that I needed to protect it no matter what, even if that meant hurting me. So I got the abortion.

I know I made the right decision, but it hurt a lot making that decision. I personally feel that I made the most motherly decision I could have made, and for that I feel okay. I would be due June 28th. That due date is coming up. Although it is hard, I am happy that I am getting my life together so that in a few years I can make the other decision.

I do wish I had kept it a little longer. I just wanted to carry it a while longer, and hold it close, but I know doing that would have made the decision hurt more. I think about it everyday. I don’t love anything more, and I feel that that love showed when I made the decision to not bring it into a world of struggle.

Even though no one knows, I do feel like a mother even if it was for a short while. I had to make a decision to put a potential life before mine and that decision hurt me but protected it.  I just wanna send all the love to everyone making whatever decision and I want them to know that you are doing the right thing no matter what. It’s not an easy decision, but it is yours to make.