Decision I Made From Love

by Anonymous

October 2, 2023

Hi, I am 19. I had my abortion when I was 18, and your page has helped me so much.


My story is that I missed my period and I took a test. The test was faint but positive. I then took a few more. All came out the same.  I had symptoms but I was in denial. I didn’t believe it until I took an electronic one. Once I did that and it came out positive, I was scared. I think I was scared because I knew the decision that I had to make but I didn’t want to make it. I am in a healthy relationship but we were healing from a lot from the past. We lived together, but he had a lot of things to figure out and I did as well. I wanted to keep it so bad but I also wanted to support it. I knew I could not do that, neither emotionally because I am healing from a lot of trauma, or financially. I was starting college.


Anyways, I told my mom the same day I took the electronic test. She took me to an abortion clinic right away. In my state, it was illegal so I had to drive a few hours. The entire time I was conflicted between what I wanted to do for me and what I wanted to do for it. And I don’t know if it was my motherly instinct but all I knew was that I needed to protect it no matter what, even if that meant hurting me. So I got the abortion.


I know I made the right decision, but it hurt a lot making that decision. I personally feel that I made the most motherly decision I could have made, and for that I feel okay. I would be due June 28th. That due date is coming up. Although it is hard, I am happy that I am getting my life together so that in a few years I can make the other decision.


I do wish I had kept it a little longer. I just wanted to carry it a while longer, and hold it close, but I know doing that would have made the decision hurt more. I think about it everyday. I don’t love anything more, and I feel that that love showed when I made the decision to not bring it into a world of struggle.


Even though no one knows, I do feel like a mother even if it was for a short while. I had to make a decision to put a potential life before mine and that decision hurt me but protected it.  I just wanna send all the love to everyone making whatever decision and I want them to know that you are doing the right thing no matter what. It’s not an easy decision, but it is yours to make.


Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!