Christian, who has had two abortions

by Anonymous

April 7, 2020

I have been distraught, looking for information about abortion for over a month now. I know it’s a topic that you cannot easily share with anyone even your closest family. Being a Christian, I knew it was wrong, no way was I going tell anyone in my circles because, I did not want to hear the judgement from them.

I am 33, married for 6 years with two sons, a four old and 10 months. I had my first abortion after a year from college. I dated this guy, being a Christian, I was naive about many things about sex, all I knew was using a condom to avoid getting HIV and getting pregnant. After a while, we stopped using protection and opted to using safe days, which obviously failed and I missed my period. I told my boyfriend who was in utter shock, I knew he didn’t love me even if we were in a relationship.

He told me, to wait before telling my mum about the pregnancy. I knew none of us wanted this. I could see it in his eyes. I shared with a good friend of mine who I was certain knew where I could get an abortion. By morning, I had got a the name of a clinic. Informed my boyfriend about the clinic and we were off.

I had a surgical abortion, within 2 hours it was done..of course we broke up after, he apologised for what he had taken me through. But, we knew we had no future together.. I struggled to get over what had happened, how could I be so naive, I had so many questions.. but no one was there to help me walk the journey of recovery.. but I prayed often asked God for forgiveness and promised Him it would never happen again… I was wrong!

I got married at 27, had our first son at 28. But I would later find out being pregnant was tough business, I had terrible morning sickness.. it was quite a journey. After giving birth to our son, I had IUD inserted which would last 3 years.

After 3 years, we felt ready to try again.. we gave birth to our second son, 2019. Of course, I went to have an IUD inserted but this time I was told I had a uterine infection which would not settle well if I inserted the IUD. During the time of treatment, I tried to keep my safe days in check.. but again, I failed.. I found out I was pregnant in December 2019. My youngest son was only 5 months and I deliver by C section. My pregnancies are quite challenging.. I just could not go through the ordeal just after 5 months, I also was not sure if I could carry the pregnancy to term safely. I was emotionally unstable, my marriage was just not going well, I had no help at home, I knew taking care of a toddler while pregnant would be a handful.

I told my husband how terrible I was feeling, but he offered little or no support. I do not know how I felt, being a Christian: but I knew I was out of sorts to carry a pregnancy. I sort out help, and was directed to Marie Stopes.. I went alone this time, I knew my husband would never approve. I had a medical abortion just about 2 months ago I was about 5 weeks pregnant. Still recovering from the emotions that come for terminating a pregnancy

No one offered me much support and understanding, not even my husband. It’s not a choice I made lightly this time around.  I asked God to forgive me, I asked Him to understand.

I have so far sought out help from the internet. I found stories of married women who have had abortions for various reasons, been reading stories of SYA, I felt I was not alone. I have been encouraged greatly by this forum.

I sometimes wonder if I had maybe been strong enough or got the support I needed, I would still be pregnant, I keep imagining it would have been a girl, but I also know I was just not ready.

I do not talk much about it, If I feel low.. I get online and read these stories. I pray, I know God has forgiven me, I know He is a good father who understands, knows our weakness as humans.

I pray for all women who are going through this, people judge us without knowing our stories. So much has changed about me since this abortion, I understand and respect women who go through this.. its not easy!! I am asking God to send me anyone who will need support.

I have experienced the shame and stigma around abortion.

I have since completed my treatment and had the IUD inserted. I pray and hope to carry one last pregnancy, when my son turns 2. Praying for a girl.


Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!