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Choices are Hard

by Anonymous

May 9, 2019

Not a year goes by that I don’t think about you. I always wanted to be a mom, and I wish that I could have had you. I wish that it was the right time. I wish I could watch you grow, smile, and laugh. I honestly don’t know if anything in my life would be that different, and thats what kills me. You would be turning five this year.

Choices are hard to make little one. Sometimes we do what we think is best at the time, and I hope I made the right choice for us both. I am so sorry I could not keep you, but I kept you in my heart, and I always will.

I can’t say it gets easier, I feel every year it gets harder for me. I just have to remember that there is no way I could have taken care of a baby yet. I was not ready, my partner did not support the idea, and now I am not even with him. He never let me talk to anyone about my abortion. He never told his family. When his brother had a baby last year, his mom was so happy and talked about how much she loved her first grandchild, and asked when I was going to have babies. I ran out of the room crying. She didnt know her first grandchild came and went. How much pain and regret I was feeling about my choice. That her son never supported the idea of me keeping my child. I know it was my choice in the end, and that I made it.

It gets rough this time of year when I think about you, but I know what I did was best.

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