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Choice is a Beautiful Thing

by Anonymous

April 13, 2019

When I got pregnant the first time at age 27, I miscarried three days after I found out, the same day I called a clinic to make an appointment. I was wholly relieved, but I mourned for a long time afterward because I had barely had time to register the pregnancy before it ended. Everything was completely out of my control, and it really fucked me up mentally and emotionally for a long time.

 

When I got pregnant the second time at age 29, I almost hoped I would miscarry again. But nope, this one wanted to stick, so I opted for a private clinic that did something called a “SofTouch” procedure. I figured if I had to do the unwanted pregnancy thing over again, I might as well have some degree of control over the process this time. Well, after $1400 and an unexpectedly painful 20 minute procedure that should’ve taken 5 (I was apparently one of the rare few for whom this particular “SofTouch” procedure does not go smoothly–lucky me), I was no longer pregnant.

The worst part about the whole experience wasn’t even the physical pain–I was never in any true danger. The worst part was that I had to wait a week to have the procedure done–simply because I was too early in the pregnancy for them to be able to do the procedure when I called (I was only four weeks and change). That week of being pregnant when I didn’t want to be was the worst week of my life. But the fact that I was able to exercise choice this time around helped tremendously in the end–even though the procedure went more painfully than I was expecting, my emotional and mental healing went so much faster because I was able to make the decision that was right for me. And because I was able to exercise choice, I’ve gone on to do some pretty fucking awesome things with my life.

Truthfully, if I hadn’t been in so much pain and so exhausted afterward, I would have skipped out of the clinic.

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