I had mine when I was 18, I got really sick, my pregnancy was a violent one. I was sick nearly ever hour of the day. I had no idea I was pregnant as I always had irregular periods; I was told by the doctor I had polycystic ovaries and that my ovulation had all but stopped. Dead on a week later I found out I was pregnant, so yes to say I was shocked was an understatement.
I decided for an abortion, i was 8 weeks. I wasn’t in a place in my life where I could provide for one financially. I also never considered myself to be maternal, in fact I hated babies and kids talk. My boyfriend was supportive of my choice. However his family were not, his mother turned on me tried every trick in the book from trying to bargain with me to let her raise the baby to make accusations that I was only having an abortion because my boyfriend was abusing me, which was false. My abortion was traumatic enough due to the fact I bled too much, I wasn’t prepared for that level of blood. His mum would say things like “you feel guilty so you’re a good person” truth was I didn’t feel guilty at all. I was relieved. I was pushed out the family, she would forget my birthday but spoil his sisters partner because he knocked her up after 3 minutes of being with her. I was punished because I haven’t done the same, I didn’t deliver. She still likes to upset me by not respecting my boundaries by forcing their baby on me after I said it was too painful as his sister betrayed my trust as she got pregnant literally the same day as me a year on, knowing all my inner thoughts and feelings and what pain that would cause me, she even lied about her boyfriends fertility, there was nothing wrong with him.
But It helped me realise my place in this world, I needed to provide a safe space for girls and women like me, I am completing my counselling degree so I can help provide after care and help remove taboos, make women feel proud of their stories as I’m sure many girls have had a figure in their situation that tried to emotionally manipulate them. Thankfully I had my own mother, she got me through it all, she was my light and a true queen in my life. I am still trying to heal after a year and a half, I never regretted my decision and never will, but healing from the abuse I received from that family will take time, it will never be the same and I don’t want it to be, thankfully my boyfriend has my back, after her many accusations at him he is as done as I am, so anyone reading this please do what is right for you, don’t let anyone bully you or manipulate you into anything, I’m sure there are many bad people like his mother out there that will try to control you and your choices.
