My abortion was pro-life. I decided that my own life was something of value.
There are so many ways I could tell my abortion story. But I guess no matter what it ends here: I am one year out and it was the best decision of my life. It was a complicated and difficult choice for me at the time but I have never regretted it since I took the first pill, and there is nothing that could make me regret it in the future.
My abortion was pro-life. I decided that my own life was something of value. That I still wanted to live it my way. That I was strong enough to figure out what living my life my own way means, rather than letting a pregnancy and child make so many of those choices for me.
I had my abortion a week after my 32nd birthday. It was only 6 months after a miscarriage for a pregnancy that I wanted. At the time of my abortion I still wanted desperately to be a mother, and to do so as soon as possible. But I was thinking of leaving my relationship and was in a moment of profound confusion. I was not trying to get pregnant, but part of me still felt like at least if I did that would make my choices for me. However, when I confirmed that I was pregnant my reaction was pure anguish. (Literally wailing and crying out “NOOOOOO!!! WHYYYY???!!!” in the bathroom….good times). I could not deny my gut reaction: I did NOT want this pregnancy and I did NOT want to stay with my partner.
I now do not want children soon. Maybe some day. Maybe. But not now. I have too much I want to do. And I’m not afraid of that. And like most people, I will sometimes be lonely, and I will sometimes search for purpose. But I am not looking to a child to solve those problems.
My abortion was a scary and emotionally trying experience given many of the circumstances. It has also proven to be the most empowering experience of my life. It was an amazing decision, and it has made possible and set in motion a cascade of more awesome decisions. I finally feel like I am actually starting to live the life I always desired. And that may not be all because of my abortion, but my abortion definitely made it all possible.
I am so grateful for my abortion. And for the people who supported me in the process. And for my state for making it so easy. I am also so friggin proud of my abortion and of everything I have accomplished since then. And I am excited for the rest of my life.
