feeling mostly relieved, but also a bit in awe, just thinking about how I had been on the precipice between two very different lives
When I was 20, I got pregnant after having both a condom break and then having Plan B fail. Despite my best efforts to prevent it, it still happened. I was only casually seeing the guy involved at the time, and I knew I wasn’t in a place to have a child. I was in my junior year of college, I wanted to travel, I wanted a career. I knew all of that would be so much harder with a kid. Literally as soon as I saw the positive pregnancy test, I knew I was going to have an abortion.
I did my research and picked out a clinic but knew I wanted sedation, which meant I had to tell someone so they could drive me. It was also going to be over $400, which was way more than I could afford, so I knew I had to ask for help. Since this was all happening over my winter break, I decided to tell the guy who had gotten me pregnant since he lived close by (and I figured, if anyone owed me that ride, it was him). He was shocked, but he was supportive of me making my choice. When the day arrived, he paid for half of the cost, and he picked me up (though since I was at home, I had to make something up to my parents and had him pick me up around the corner).
I was surprised by how small the clinic was, and by how many people were there. It took about 3 hours from when we arrived to when we left. Most of that 3 hours was hanging out in the waiting room, trying to read. Honestly, since I’m scared of needles, the worst parts were probably getting the blood drawn for tests and getting the IV for my sedation. I woke up in the recovery room, feeling nauseous and generally gross (from the aftereffects of the sedation, not from the procedure itself) but relieved that it was over. Afterwards, we went out and got pancakes at the diner nearby, mostly without talking. I think we both were feeling a little bit weird about the whole situation.
I remember later that day, sitting in my parents living room feeling mostly relieved, but also a bit in awe, just thinking about how I had been on the precipice between two very different lives. Eight years later, that’s still how I feel about it. Even though it wasn’t a fun experience for me (and I do still sometimes think about what my life would look like now if I had continued that pregnancy), it was absolutely the right choice. I’ve since gotten a masters degree, traveled to 12 countries, and work in a demanding field. None of this would likely have been possible if I continued my pregnancy. My life isn’t always easy, but I absolutely love what I’ve built for myself. And I owe a lot of it to the fact that I had the choice to access abortion back when I was 20.
