I’ve always been pro-choice.
A few months after I turned 20, I got pregnant even though my boyfriend and I had been using protection. He didn’t want to be a parent, and I did. We parted ways and never spoke again. That was my choice at 20.
At 31, I made a different choice. I was engaged and had just applied for a mortgage with my partner when I found out he’d been lying to me and sneaking around with someone. We had been trying to get pregnant and succeeded, so I gave him another chance, but after a few weeks he said this was who he really was, that he’d just been pretending to be this great guy so that I’d be with him. I’d already been a single mom for 11 years, and I knew I didn’t have the emotional capacity to raise a newborn alone while also raising my tween alone and while also dealing with the emotional fallout of finding out the only man I’d ever loved was just a performance. I couldn’t handle losing myself in motherhood again at that point in my life. I knew I didn’t want to be tied to this man for 18 years while we raised a child together but apart; I knew I couldn’t take two decades of dealing with the things I’d been overlooking (chronic extreme lateness, emotional unavailability, “accidentally” saying really mean things). Most importantly, I knew that having a baby without a partner simply wasn’t what I wanted at this point in my life. I like having time to myself, and I like immersing myself in my hobbies and figuring out who I am. I like having time to find and try lots of new recipes. I like having time to do what I want to do. I like being able to travel with my son. My choice at 31 was to have an abortion, and it was an easy choice that has only brought me happiness. I have no regrets. When I think about my abortion, I just feel a deep sense of gratitude. I am so thankful to be living the life I want, so thankful I don’t have to spend the next two decades doing something I didn’t want to do, and so thankful I have the freedom to choose.
