Breaking Generational Trauma

by A

January 27, 2021

I remember how excited and happy I felt to see that positive pregnancy test. It was Thanksgiving and I FaceTimed my partner before he came over to share the news. His expression was blank which made me upset and not excited anymore. He was raised catholic so I assumed that we would do this together. However, he is still working on his mental health and I just graduated college with no future job prospects lined up. I knew we could make this work but after conversations, we decided abortion was the best decision for us. After, I booked my appointment I felt so sad thinking about what it would be like and how I would feel. My partner promised me that we would be great parents one day, just not now. I wanted to be a mother more than anything and felt that my abortion would close that chapter forever. However, he reassured me that one day we will be financially and mentally stable to be the parents that broke generational trauma. The day of my abortion, my partner drove me an hour to my appointment and was not allowed in due to covid restrictions. I felt so scared and alone but during my surgical abortion the nurse held my hand the entire time and I will never forget her. I cried so hard after my abortion was done and I still do not know if it was because of grief or relief. I decided to keep the ultrasound and my pregnancy test in a box with a journal to future me so I can look back years from now and realize this was the best decision that I could have made for myself!

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