Bigger Effect than Ever Imagined

by Anonymous

November 7, 2019

I’m 24 years old, married, and 5 days ago I had an aspiration abortion at 4 weeks by myself. My husband and I have always wanted to be parents, but because of our jobs, we would not be able to emotionally or financially support a baby right now. For us, it was an easy decision, but we decided that we would never tell our family or friends.

It was fairly straight forward to find a clinic; however, it would be a full day of travel to get there. On top of that, my husband couldn’t take time off work, so I would be going alone. I thought I could be strong and do it by myself, but it’s my only regret through this whole process. I wish my husband was there to support me. He absolutely hates himself that he wasn’t there, but we’re trying to support each other as best we can.

The actual procedure was painful and uncomfortable, but the most painful part was seeing the ultrasound. They showed me my baby, and I have such mixed emotions even today. I feel like I “ruined” my first ultrasound because of how careless we were with birth control. I feel angry at myself that I got myself into this situation in the first place. And I feel shame because I never thought I would be here writing this.

I’ve always believed it’s our body, our choice, and I’m so thankful that I had access to an affordable, safe abortion method. I don’t regret this decision, but it’s effected more than I ever thought possible.

How do you go back to your everyday life pretending like nothing happened?


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