I have never felt that I want to become a parent. The idea makes me anxious and uneasy.
When I was three days late and I jokingly went to the toilet in the morning to take a pregnancy test, I did not expect to see two lines on the strip – especially when we have been very careful of using protection. Thus, I always somehow imagined that abortion would be part of my life story – but I didn’t imagine it to happen when being in my love-of-my-life relationship and it appear as a failed birth control method.
When going to show the test to my partner, I whispered “is that two stripes?” And as my whole body started to uncontrollably shake, I burst into cry I couldn’t control. I always knew it would be an abortion, but I think I never actually imagined I had to go through it.
The clinic opened at 8:45am and I called on the minute. It took 1.5 weeks to actually start the process and even when I have never doubted my decision – to that extent that my biggest worry was not being able to do it for some reason – the hardest part was the wait.
The days of not being able to connect with your body, feeling that it doesn’t belong to you. I was craving to get my body back. I counted days to start my abortion and leave the chapter behind me. Every day I am thankful that I am not facing the consequences of becoming a parent. This experience has made me question even more than before that would I ever actually want children.
