Being Brave

by Anonymous

May 9, 2019

Content Warning: later abortion

Everything happened so fast, and I was very scared. It was at a prime time in my life. I was in great shape, had a great job, and met this guy that I was (and still am) crazy about. We had been seeing each other for about 6 months when I found out I was pregnant. I was on the pill, I didn’t have any morning sickness…nothing. I only noticed subtle changes like my weight plateauing and my vitamins making me feel sick. When I first found out, I called my friend in FL for advice before I told my boyfriend. She just told me to be really honest. So I was.  I had made my mind up a while before that if anything like this happened, an abortion would have to be the choice. We were in agreement that it was the best choice. I was relieved, but I had so many emotions.

It’s not like I was doing it to be cruel, or selfish. I felt my child deserved perfection and that’s the only way I could give it to them. So, I made my appointment at my local clinic, but to my shock and dread, I was too far along. I was 19 weeks. My jaw hit the floor. The ultrasound tech just printed out my ultrasound and gave me a list of places that could help me. I met up with my boyfriend, who was getting ready to give me the money for my procedure when I quietly whispered “They can’t do it.” And collapsed into him. I explained I would have to make a 6 hour trip to another city, it would be more expensive and I didn’t know how I would get there. He just looked at me and said “You have to go. Don’t worry, we will get you there.” I needed a way there, so I had to break the news to my sister. She said the same thing he said. So, we all planned this trip. My boyfriend took care of all the financial things and my sister drove. Right before I left my boyfriend met me at my sister’s and just talked about nothing for a little while. I told him I was scared and he said he was too. So we left.

The whole thing was 2 parts. The first day was rough. I was in a waiting room with women that were there for the exact same reason I was. They explained everything and the staff was very caring. They did everything they had to do to begin the abortion process. I was so sick, but managed to sleep. The next morning was the day of the procedure. As I was walking in, a man was yelling at me from the street saying “Hey, hey! Don’t kill that baby! There is a women’s center down the street…blah blah blah”. I was so angry and distressed. This wasn’t something I WANTED to do. I had to. At that point, It was already too late. I cried. I wanted to scream. This man angered me. I told the women at the front desk, and they told me unfortunately he was out there regularly harassing patients. They comforted me and told me this was my decision alone, and that I was very brave. Several hours later I was headed home. I look back on it, and despite how painful and heartbreaking it was for me, it was definitely the right decision. No doubt about it.  It was an eye opening experience, and made me have a great respect for women in my situation, and also women with children.  Women are so strong. It’s scary, I’ll be honest, but having that option changed the trajectory of my life and I couldn’t be more thankful.

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