At The End Of The Day, I Could Not Emotionally Provide A Healthy Environment For A Child To Grow Up In

by Calista

July 12, 2022

I suffer from severe mental health issues stemming from trauma that impact my ability to keep and hold healthy relationships. Although I am doing so much better and I’m in therapy, I have a lot of work to do. I am very lucky to have found my partner, someone who understands and is patient and kind. I have no doubt that we would be great parents one day, but not anytime soon.

After using fertility tracking for our entire relationship, I came back positive on three at-home-tests. I wanted a baby, specifically my partner’s, but I also had just started living for myself. I’ve only been my own person, with no one to gaslight or mentally abuse me, for two years. I knew that having a kid would mean giving up prioritizing myself first, and I was not prepared.

I cried and screamed at the horrible timing of it all, but I knew that neither of us were in a position to give a child a mentally healthy upbringing. This didn’t dull the pain of knowing that the potential to have my partner’s child was right there. Plus, I was starting to feel very early pregnancy symptoms. I was so heartbroken that they would be going away. I already felt an emotional connection.

I had to trust the rational thoughts over the emotions telling me to keep the pregnancy and I took the pills. I made the right choice and I do not regret it. It still does hurt to think about sometimes, but it hurts a lot less than knowing I brought a child into the world where their parents weren’t emotionally stable enough to truly support them.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!