I had just turned 21 when I found out I was pregnant. I knew I had to get an abortion. I knew I couldn’t be a mom, but that didn’t mean I did not want to be. It hurt. I feel like people ignore my pain because it was a decision I made. I am so grateful to have had the ability to make this choice. I feel so empowered by the people who have shared their stories. I do not regret my abortion, but it was still the hardest decision I made. I am still in pain.
What people don’t know is that I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks. I had no idea I was pregnant with twins at the time. I went to multiple doctors and they all told me they were worried the other one would not make it. The physical pain, the emotional pain, everything about this pregnancy terrified me. I knew the pain of having my choice taken from me by my own body and I could not go through it again. I couldn’t look at myself or touch my belly after losing one of them and my only regret is blaming myself.
I have felt the need to justify why I had an abortion to so many people. When in reality, it was and is none of their business. I went through this on my own and I am proud of myself for the strength I never knew I had.
While everyone has passed their judgments and forgotten what I have gone through, it lives with me to this day. At a time when all I wanted, all I needed was my family and friends to support me, they were absent. All I felt was anger and loneliness. I thought the worst pain would be going through miscarriage and abortion, but the real pain was the absence of support. I am grateful for where I am now, but I will never forget what I had to overcome to be here.
