In 2021 The entire world was in lockdown mode. My husband and I had absolutely no near by support, hadn’t been able to see our families for a year, and were raising 2 amazing, loved, but very busy children.
To say we were both struggling would be an understatement. We were putting 100% of ourselves into our children and were basically circling the drain mentally. I was actively trying to improve my mental health and had actually just booked an appointment with my doctor when I learned I was pregnant. Pregnant despite using birth control, pregnant despite feeling our family was very much complete, pregnant despite being in the worst mental state of my entire life. Pregnant and scared.
This broke me. I absolutely adore my children and I’d do absolutely anything for them but my plate was FULL. I spoke with my husband and it was clear he did not feel equipped to take on more nor did he want to. I wanted to believe we could make it work but my mental health plummeted. I wasn’t able to get out of bed and when I did I had thoughts of suicide. I prayed and prayed for the strength to accept this but I simply could not. I had to think about the kids I already had. They needed a om.
This was a hard decision for me and tbh I think it kind of broke me. I never thought I’d be in a situation where I had to make that choice (but it didn’t feel like a choice at all). Married moms should just grin and bear it right!? If only real life was that simple.
