An abortion is seldom a stand-alone event, it represents a lot more than a procedure for every individual

by Anonymous

August 11, 2020

My abortion is tied to the pandemic, to my own insecurities and mental health at this phase in my life, and to my break up.

I had an abortion two months ago, at the height of quarantine, and a week later my partner and I broke up. I went through it with only them knowing, and leaned on only them for support after, as we would talk about the life that the baby would have had. And while I was grieving the loss of the abortion I also grieved the loss of the relationship, the loneliness and emptiness with the pandemic, and the dip in my mental health and sense of self during and after. The lesson here being: Abortion is seldom a stand alone experience, it is always tied to so much more.


An abortion always felt like something I wouldn’t go through, somehow I imagined If I got pregnant unplanned I’d keep it alone or with my partner. But everything is so different when it actually happens to you, at the time it happens to you, in the situation it happens to you.

My number one goal in life is to be a mother and raise a healthy, full, family. So my abortion felt like a punishment, a twist of fate that I never imagined myself going through with. I found that other than SYA there were no other resources out there to explore and relate to all different types of abortion stories and opinions.

It might be an unpopular opinion, but I didn’t feel empowered or strong getting an abortion. I do feel lucky I had a choice, but for someone who always talked openly about the “what if” of getting pregnant at 25 and saying I would 100% keep it; it felt like I was letting myself down and letting my expectations for my life down.

An abortion is an impossible choice, if it even is a choice, and all I can help but think now is, if I didn’t have the privilege of even making a choice, I would be in so much more pain. My partner and I were only four months into dating and having issues being in quarantine together so early in a relationship; and then me getting pregnant on top of everything really tore us down.

If I didn’t have a right as a human to make an informed decision about my future, then I would be forever linking myself to someone who isn’t healthy for me, and burdening myself and them with a life changing thing that as 25 year olds with no strong hold on life itself, would destroy us and the baby’s future.

To anyone out there dealing with their abortion or the decision of whether or not to get one, or the burden of not having a choice: I hear you, I feel for you, and it is never easy no matter your situation; because abortion is not just a procedure that is one and done. It is tied to your romantic relationships, relationship with yourself, your future, your past, your financial situation, the state of the world, your mental health, among many many other things.

For me, abortion was not just a procedure and nothing else. Abortion can be a gift, a burden, or for me: a lesson in life’s real hardships.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!