Am I a selfish monster?

by Idk

March 30, 2021

I was 26 when I had my abortion. I already had a 2.5 years old son, that I love deeply, and knew that he was all I needed when it comes to having children. He is smart, funny, independent, a bit sarcastic like me, but has a strong opinion like his father.

His father was 15 years older than me, and from a different culture. When we met he was my knight in an armor, but after a while I realized that we were too different to make it work. And after our first son, I knew that I could never have his children again. The relationship was toxic, but I wanted to stay with him because I loved him.

At the time, I was finishing nursing school, and told him I cannot afford to get pregnant a second time, and he agreed. Well, you guessed it. I got pregnant a second time, and we were experiencing our hardest times. I knew I couldn’t bring another child into this relationship, but he promised me that he would changed.

Fast forward to week 21 of my pregnancy of the second pregnancy. I had an epiphany in the middle of night. I wanted out of the second baby. And the relationship all together. I felt like a monster since I already felt the baby kick. But I did not love this baby. When my firstborn was kicking and moving, I was happy, thrilled. So I knew this baby will never see the light of day.

I went to my procedure alone, and when I came back, I had to face my partner (the father of both pregnancies) and he was devastated. Mind you he did not once asked me how was doing during the pregnancy so far, and calling me names while pregnant. So, I was actually confused by his reaction. How can he treat me so badly, and not care, but be so upset about my decision. Where was he when I was still throwing up multiple times a day even this far along? Was he helping with our first born? Was he changing diapers, cooking meals, cleaning? Nope all that was left to me, while still in an excruciating pain. Struggling to pay bills, but still wanted to bring another innocent person in a struggling life. So no, I knew the abortion was necessary. He might never understand why I made this decision, but I knew it was the best one for everyone.

Ladies, children are permanent, and a priority. If an abortion is the only choice that makes sense for YOU, do it!

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