I had cried all my tears the night before and in my heart I knew this abortion was the best thing for me. My baby daddy wanted to be there for me since this was my first abortion and baby. He was probably more nervous than I was. We were almost 2 hours late because he missed an exit and we got stuck in traffic. My 7 week pregnancy felt long but those hours felt like years. He kept apologizing for putting me thru this and wishing we could keep the baby but I knew I wouldn’t want to bring a baby into this situation. His other baby momma was heavily in his life and with us not being official, I was afraid I would end up alone taking care of a baby I wasn’t ready to have.
He got a call when we were 5 minutes away from the office and ended up dropping me off at the doorsteps. I went inside. The lobby was filled with couples and here I was a single. I opted to be put to sleep during the procedure but since my escort wasn’t there I had to settle for local anesthesia. Once I was called back, I went to a waiting room filled with other pregnant ladies also waiting for their abortions. There were two ladies that had been to this clinic more than twice and I really wish I could of told them how much their testimonies meant to me. They told their stories and often included how it was okay to not want a baby and how it didn’t make us bad people. I needed to hear this. I would of had the first grandkid and I felt selfish for taking that away but at the end of the day I had to do what was right for me.
It was finally my turn and all the fear those ladies had talked out of me came right back in full force. I was laying on the table with my legs apart remembering that my “boyfriend” wasn’t in the waiting room and since I told no one about the baby, I was all alone. Just as I could start feeling a panic attack forming, I hear the beat of Lift Yourself coming from the speaker above me. I couldn’t believe it. At my scariest moment, my favorite artist Kanye West starts to play. The radio DJ was playing parts of his greatest hits and my all time favorite songs. I felt like this was a sign from God telling me it was okay and to calm down. I wiped the tears from my eyes and hummed the words as the doctor started. It was uncomfortable but I’ve had worst period cramps. I waited 4 hours for a 15 minute procedure.
It’s been 3 days since my abortion and I feel like my old self again. I’m cramping but I’m able to go back to work.
I read hundreds of these stories in the days leading up to my abortion and they helped me feel less alone. You are NOT a terrible person for having an abortion. If anything you are strong, you are brave and you should have control over your life. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says. Many AMAZING women have abortions and I like to think we amazing too.
