All the feels

by Anonymous

May 26, 2020

Mother’s Day felt a little tender this year. Wondering if I made the right decision, wishing I had been ready and knowing that I wasn’t.

I found out I was pregnant in mid November. My partner and I have been together for 8 years, we are in our early 30’s and by society’s standards we “should be ready” to have kids. As soon as I found out, I knew it wasn’t the right time for us.

I always thought if I needed to make this decision, it would be easy, but it felt more complicated than that. My insurance didn’t cover the procedure so I called around to figure out best price and appointment availability and to be honest, it felt a little bit like car shopping.

I was nervous about the actual procedure, but it was a lot smoother than I had anticipated and overall, I felt a lot of relief. It was strange and kind of beautiful to see the ultrasound while my partner held my hand. I wanted to be honest with myself about this being a tricky decision for me, but overwhelmingly the right one. Now, 6 months out, it’s feeling a little surreal that I could be 7 months pregnant in the middle of a pandemic. Still feels like the right decision, but it does feel a little tender sometimes.

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