I had an abortion in 2017. My boyfriend at the time was very abusive, both physically and mentally. He aggressively choked me to the point where neighbors heard me screaming and called the police just one month prior to the abortion. I felt stuck. We lived together. He was everything to me at the time. It was a toxic relationship. I lost contact with a lot of my friends. I was away from family.
We had unprotected sex while we were on a trip visiting his family. This was a trip that was planned out, his family had bought airfare tickets, they were expecting me. I knew it was wrong for me to go, but I went. Brushed everything under the rug. It kills me. Because I would’ve avoided the abortion, if I had made the right decision. To leave, get out, no matter what. Move back home if I had to. But I stayed. It makes me sad because I had absolutely no love for myself.
I don’t regret my decision. But it haunts me regularly. I see a baby and feel this weird feeling. It makes me feel bad. I don’t know how to explain it. I can’t help but think my baby would’ve been this age, would’ve had this birthday. I wonder would it have been a boy or girl?
My heart goes out to all of you.
