About pain, struggle and strength

by Anonymous

April 24, 2020

Content Warning: abuse

My story is about losing control and being betrayed. I found out very late that I was pregnant. It never occurred to me to be pregnant because I had always used contraception. Before I knew I was pregnant, I separated from the father of the child and he blackmailed me with secretly recorded videos of me. In retrospect, many of his statements and actions make sense. He manipulated the condoms and secretly took them off during sex. Before I noticed the pregnancy, I had a hernia operation and countless vaccinations, because I had planned a stay abroad. Abroad, I found out that I was pregnant. It was a nightmare. Because while I had been trying to find a solution abroad, this man had continued to threaten and humiliate me. I had always wanted children. Since I was young, I have dreamed of it. I had to lose this child and I still suffer from this loss after many years. This was the worst decision I had to make and despite the great suffering and pain I carry within me, I do not regret this step. To have to lose your child under enormous pressure is a terrible thing, but sometimes it is necessary in order to live a self-determined life. I am proud of myself and grateful that I have fought for this.

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