Abortion saved my mental health

I found out I was pregnant again after my second son had just turned 6 months old. I instantly felt stuck. During that time, my relationship wasn’t at its best. I was drowning in motherhood trying to care for my two other babies while not letting them see how stressed I was about my failing relationship with their father.

When I saw the positive lines on the test I instantly wanted to run away. I wanted to run away from everything and everyone. There was no way I could do this.  To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement.

On the other hand, I wanted to keep the pregnancy because I know the love that comes from having a baby. But, I knew that if I did it would be detrimental to my health, both mentally and physically. My body needed more time to heal from my previous pregnancy and delivery before producing and giving birth to a new baby.

I felt that by keeping the pregnancy I was failing my 6 month old son. He needed more time to be my little baby. He needed my breast milk which has started to dry up because of the rising pregnancy hormones. He needed me to be present and not constantly zoning out with crushing anxiety over having another baby so soon. I knew what it took to be a fully present parent and knew that if I didn’t get an abortion both of my kids would suffer and that’s just not fair.

I got an abortion because my babies needed me to be mentally sane and present more than they needed another sibling. I do not regret my choice but I do often wonder if that baby was a girl. I just recently had my 3rd boy. He’s the sweetest little baby. I know without the abortion I had before him, I wouldn’t be here today to mother him. I’m thankful for the options and support that I had at the time. Abortion saved my mental health and helped me be a better mother.