Abortion number three, the hardest for me

by Anonymous

September 21, 2022

Content Warning: mention of suicide

This was my third abortion. This was the only pregnancy I ever even considered going through with. The first two abortions were easy for me to know it would have never worked out with this man. I would have struggled. I didn’t want to be a single mother. This time was different. I absolutely love my boyfriend. He is the love of my life and would do anything for me. When I read the positive pregnancy test, I had mixed emotions. Plan B didn’t work. My boyfriend was scared but excited. He didn’t think he could have children. I was scared. As the weeks progressed, I got more and more depressed. I’ve suffered from depression for most of my life. I thought about killing myself. I hated getting up in the morning. On top of that, I wasn’t taking my meds. I would get panic attacks thinking I was harming the baby by taking my meds. We went to the first ultrasound, my boyfriend was ecstatic while I felt nothing. I was numb. I was going along with the motions of pregnancy, while absolutely hating myself. It took me until 11 weeks 3 days to get my surgical abortion. I wanted to so badly to make my boyfriend happy, as I know his dream is to have a family. I want a family also, but I want one when I can prepare for a child. I personally could not mentally handle an unplanned pregnancy. It still breaks my heart, but I know I made the right decision. My boyfriend still loves me and he understands why I did what I did. If there’s no mama alive, there’s no baby. I needed to save my life.

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