The first time, I was in my early 20’s, flat broke, and in the process of getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship— it was a no-brainer the moment I saw the positive test. During a time that I felt so trapped and so controlled, it felt powerful to make a decision about my life and it was a turning point for me in terms of taking back control.
The second time, my life looked completely different. I was in my 30’s, financially stable, I had a great support system, and I could see myself being a mom. But the father made it very clear that it was not what he wanted and that it would ruin his life. I decided that if and when I become a parent, I want it to be an intentional decision for both parties. I didn’t want to bring a baby into this world with someone who was adamant that they couldn’t be a parent. I still carry the grief of my second abortion with me, but it feels less like regret and more like a profound sadness around realizing how unaligned I was with a person who I wanted to co-parent with.
I’m so grateful that even when I was weighing the pros and cons, abortion remained a viable and accessible option. I’m grateful that abortion has allowed me to be intentional about the way that I live my life and the way I want to bring a child into this world.
