My heart breaks for every person that doesn't have that same freedom to choose right now.
My boyfriend and I are in our early 20s and I got pregnant with our daughter at 19. Being young parents, we have been trying to get our own life started so we didn’t have to live with family anymore. Then our apartment building kicked everyone out in May 2022 and we had no where to go except move states with my mother because we couldn’t afford an apartment in San Diego, especially during inflation. We got rid of most of our belongings and only kept what we could fit in my boyfriend’s truck and moved to Arizona. We were using the last of our savings to apply to a one bedroom apartment and move on our own when he got a job offer somewhere. We were in the middle of starting life over.
I realized my appetite was through the roof and I was hungry literally always. I thought it was PMS until it lasted a few weeks. My gut told me to take a test and I almost didn’t listen. I thought I was paranoid. It came back positive and I immediately knew we couldn’t keep the baby. We couldn’t afford to, even with us getting an apartment on our own and paying our own bills. I made the decision to get an abortion because I knew if I didn’t have one, I’d be risking the stability of my family and my daughter. We were already going through so much and had it not been for my mother, the three of us would have been homeless.
Choosing to get an abortion doesn’t always mean you don’t want to keep your baby. There was never a moment where I was choosing an abortion because I wanted one. It was such a heartbreaking choice and I felt like I was failing as a mother because I couldn’t provide for two children.
One week after my abortion the Roe v Wade overturn happened, and it has made my emotional recovery drastically harder. Had it been my first pregnancy, I wouldn’t have recognized my early symptoms when I did to get my abortion in time. Had I waited just one week longer to take a test, I would still be pregnant right now because Planned Parenthood in Arizona stopped performing abortions. I don’t know what would have happened to my family. I should consider myself lucky but nothing about my situation feels lucky. I’m grateful I had the opportunity to choose especially since so many people don’t have that right now. I feel guilty for the same reason. I’m afraid to have sex with my boyfriend because I’m afraid of getting pregnant again.
We got the apartment we applied to the day after my abortion and planned our move in date. I’m currently sitting in our living room watching my toddler play, grateful I have her but hurting knowing I had to sacrifice enjoying my second to give us the home we have now. My freedom to choose that decision no matter how difficult or how emotional the reason, is what I believe gave my family the chance to successfully start over which is what we are currently doing, finally getting on our feet. My abortion taught us that we do want a second child and has given us a goal to work towards so we can provide for both of our children when the time comes.
My heart breaks for every person that doesn’t have that same freedom to choose right now.
