A Secret Meant to Die With Me

by Anonymous

February 2, 2021

Content Warning: emotional abuse

I was 15 when I had my abortion. My boyfriend at the time had convinced me that he loved me and nothing bad would happen so I let him have unprotected sex with me. Fast forward a couple of weeks when I missed my period, he refused to get me a pregnancy test because he said my period was just probably late, I believed him. It wasn’t until I began throwing up everyday that he finally got me a box of tests…they all came out positive but he still didn’t believe I was pregnant. I begged and pleaded my boyfriend to drive me to the doctors to confirm it but he refused…

My sister’s boyfriend was the only one who supported me through part of the process. He took me to my doctors appointment and afterwards got me starbucks to let me cry and tried talking me through a decision. My boyfriend said he didn’t want to talk about it, he wanted the baby gone and for things to go back to normal but he refused to ditch school to take me so I was forced to tell my mother.  I knew she would be upset and mad but I didn’t expect how personal she would make it. She didn’t want me to get the abortion and tried to talk me out of it by taking me to see babies, pregnant family members or save my soul by going to church. She wanted me to get married to my boyfriend and start a family at 15, but I told her I had made my mind up and that I could not give a child a good life at that time. I wanted to graduate high school, go to college, and even just figure out my life. My mother did take me to get the abortion but I didn’t expect the pro life protestors to be outside yelling and harassing people as they walked in. They tried to give me a bag with who knows what in it. My mother was livid and almost made me turn around and go home. Thankfully we stayed to get the abortion but afterwards my mother  became so cruel. She disowned me and would call me a murderer, slut, even that she was disgusted to look at me along with all other sorts of mean names…I was alone, she even refused to look at me. My boyfriend refused to hang out with me anymore, he didn’t want to come over to my house, he refused to talk with me about it and tried to go back to “normal”. I would lay in my room alone all day everyday because I felt like no one loved me or wanted to see me because of what I had done. My mother said that it was a secret that needed to die with us. No one could know the sins we have committed, she made it about herself. She would walk into my room to yell at me just because she resented me so badly…it was the longest year of my life.

Even though it’s hard to talk about, I have never regretted the decision to have an abortion. All I wanted at the time was someone to give me a hug and tell me I made the right choice. But now that I’m 21 I realize that I did make the best choice for myself. And reading the stories on this Instagram page helps me feel less alone and for that I am beyond grateful. I am thankful that I had the right to a safe abortion! Now I can surround myself with people who love me and don’t judge me or disown me for having an abortion. Instead they tell me they love me unconditionally. I know I made the right choice. I am so proud of the 15 year old girl who was strong enough to make the choice.❤️

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