A year has come round since I found out I was pregnant. Over Christmas of 2021 I had felt odd. I knew my body felt strange and I decided to take a test. I was convinced I wasn’t pregnant, because I had never been before, why would I be now. I took the test to my boyfriends and it turned out I was.
I had had a horrible year with a traumatising work experience and after nearly a year of being unemployed had finally gotten an amazing job that I felt would start the healing I needed. I had also just started studying as Masters degree part time.
The day after I found out I was pregnant it become apparent that my boyfriend had been in contact with a lot of people who were positive for Covid on New Year’s Eve so we decided that I would stay at his house so I didn’t give anyone at my home Covid. I had Covid really bad and ended up in hospital for a short while because I was coughing up blood. In the background I was trying to sort out pushing back assignments and fearful I wouldn’t be able to start my new job. My boyfriend wasn’t really giving me a choice about if I could keep the pregnancy or not and we decided to go to the hospital to talk about an abortion and I hoped the appointment would give me clarity on what I wanted.
At the appointment we found out that I was seven weeks and there was no heartbeat. The nurse had used confusing language and said it would be better on my file to have a miscarriage. I understand now she meant it was better to have that on my file for the future and that it wasn’t a judgement about abortion. We waited what felt like the longest week of my life and then returned to find out I have miscarried. I was given the option of a produce or a pill (which upset me because at the time if you had an abortion before so many weeks you only got the choice of the pill) and I choose the pill to experience the situation.
I was struggling to find solice in any of the miscarriage support anywhere, because it didn’t feel like that was my experience. My friend suggested this instagram to help me understand the experiences of other women better. Since then I have heard so many stories from other women. I understand fully, in a way I could have never understood before the importance of guilt free, judgement free choice over one’s body.
My life is so much better now. And I would choose an abortion if it felt like the right thing for my life with my not ease now.
