A mixed bag

by Anonymous

October 26, 2020

I just turned 36 and my cycle was due on my birthday. When I hit 3 days late, I took a test and was shocked when it was positive. We literally only had sex once and it was not during my ovulation cycle. I have 3 children already. When I told my husband, I in tears said I did not want to be pregnant again.  He said he supports me and he also did not want more children. I found a clinic and planned to go on Saturday. But before I went, I began having cramps and light bleeding which I hadn’t had with any previous pregnancy. So I thought I might be miscarrying naturally. I took another test and it was negative. Which gave me and him much relief. I have a nurse friend who suggested I call my regular ob in case I was miscarrying.  My ob kept saying it’s natural and scheduled me for an appt for the Wednesday following. I had 2 appointments now. So I went Saturday  had an ultrasound at the clinic and nothing was there. We were relieved again. They told me to follow up in a week. I wasn’t pregnant and didn’t have to have the abortion. So for 3 days I thought I’m not pregnant and hoped my ob would confirm.

Wrong, they took blood and urine test and I was still pregnant. I was back at square 1 and now my ob knows, they do not do abortions. Now my mind was wondering all over the place. Was I going to keep it or not? I had mixed emotions. My husband and I had another  conversation, he said he still supported me and that his opinion of not wanting any more children hadn’t changed. So I kept my Saturday follow up-today. Now there was something there on the ultrasound. I was shaking but I know that we don’t want any more children and can’t afford another. So I took the first pill. I cried, had guilt, but now I just have to take the four pills to complete the abortion. I’m pro-choice and will always be. I’m not sure I can make thus choice again.  We will be taking precautions to not be here again.

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