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A life for a life.

by Patrice Marie

September 10, 2018

I am a mother, a single mother, a single mother to a boy with autism. I was 32, my son at the time was about 9. We were struggling very much with his behavior. He was acting out violently at school. I was getting call every other day to come and get him or to have a meeting. It was very stressful and consuming. During that time I didnt really want a relationship with a man, I mean… seriously I didnt have enough energy for all the complications a relationship brings while my son was struggling so much.

But, I met someone. A man who I was very much attracted to. A man who made me feel smart, and beautiful and wanted and desired instead of just a mom. Just a mom with a child with special needs. We would get together about twice a month when I could get a babysitter or we would get together for a day time “date”. He would come to my house and we would listen to music and watch movies and talk about everything and nothing. And of course we would make love. He was something that I needed in my life at that time, and we both understood what we were to each other. We were two people who gave each other exactly what we were looking for just with no promises or commitments. It was amazing. We weren’t careful though. Not as careful as we should have been. And I became pregnant. I told him and he was trying very hard to be supportive by telling me it was my body, so it was my decision. But I knew, by the many discussions we had.. he had no want for a child. He had a very demanding career, and never in his life wanted a kid. He hadn’t had one this far in his almost 40 yr old life. I was struggling in every single way at the time, emotionally, financially just taking care of my son..he also had started getting worse at home and not just at school. I just felt so strongly that bringing a child in this situation wasn’t right. Not for anyone. A baby should be a joyous occasion, that makes people happy. Not add stress into everyone. I decided that I didnt have enough to give this child. My son who was already here needed ALL of my attention and my lover.. well I just wanted him to have the life that he wanted. I never wanted him to ever resent me or for him to feel like I was trying to trap him. So I promised myself that if I was to terminate this life, that I was gonna figure out exactly what my son needed and help fix what was causing his behaviors. I promised that his life wasn’t gonna be one of struggle and stress. A life for a life. I had the abortion.

Afterwards, probably about 3 weeks after, I had worked with my sons pediatrician and we had him admitted to a children’s psychiatric hospital and weaned him off ALL of the meds he was currently taking and switched him from 9 pills a day..that with to two. He was there almost 6 weeks. When he came home we arranged him to go to a private school that specializes in children with special needs. Today my son is 15. He is doing fantastic! He is a gentle giant as he is 6’2 and about 260. His behavior is perfect. He is a model student and he is a joy to be around and everyone says he is the sweetest and happiest guy they know. I am happy too. My life still isn’t perfect and I’m still single. By choice. My son is still my priority, but I have gentleman callers and go on dates, and if I find a man I wanna settle down with great.. if I dont.. great! My former lover and I still talk from time to time, and yes we still get together from time to time. He still has no kids and he is still single as well. He is very happy with his life as well. I know that the decision I made was best for ALL.

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