A joke gone wrong.

by Kyra

June 23, 2021

I always joked about being pregnant. Especially when I would eat a lot and get bloated. I would call it my food baby… well that eventually caught up to me.

Alright so here we go. I used to be really careful about who I told my story to because I didn’t want to feel ridiculed or have some random person forcibly shove their opinion on abortion in my face. However, I’ve learned to plain and simply not give a fuck. I was in a relationship with this person for close to a year when I found out I was pregnant. Here’s the plot twist- I was about 21 weeks pregnant when I found out. Prior to me realizing I was, I noticed I hadn’t gotten my period in MONTHS. Mind you, I saw several gynecologists along with my primary (all virtually because this was a month into the pandemic) and they all said the same thing “it’s probably stress. We started this pandemic, currently you’re unemployed, your body is reacting differently” I even told them I had gained weight and they asked me about my day to day activities. All I ate was pasta and I hardly worked out. So they told me that could be a reason for the weight gain. I took several pregnancy tests. All popped up negative. Easy enough. I carried on with my life.

My mom would ask me if I was pregnant because I looked pregnant. And I told her I had seen doctors. I told her I took several pregnancy tests and they came out negative. My partner was with me each time and he accounted for this also. Reassuring my mom that I wasn’t pregnant. Months and months went on and I lived my life like I wasn’t pregnant. I told my mom at one point that I wasn’t having morning sickness. So I was confident I wasn’t pregnant. I smoked my vape, I drank with my boyfriend, I still ate that fucking pasta etc. In June of 2020, I drank with my boyfriend and his roommate. The next day I had heart burn out the ass!!! Like I couldn’t swallow anything. And it felt like my chest was on FIRE! I went home after the weekend and my boyfriend came with me. I told my mom about my heartburn and her and my boyfriend looked at each other. I read that look so well, “this bitch is DEFINITELY pregnant.” So the next day I’m driving home and I decide to stop at CVS. I’m going “nah I’m not pregnant. This will be my fifth test.” I bought ClearBlue. Maybe my first mistake, was buying the store brand ones. But I mean can you blame me??? ClearBlue was $50! I was happy making a $20 purchase for a store brand. I was broke! I was rung up by the person and I’m thinking “damn this person has seen me buy five pregnancy tests now. They probably think my life is a train wreck.” Fuck it.

I’m at my boyfriend’s house. I didn’t tell him I was taking another one. I peed on it, and then in big bold scary ass letters- the word PREGNANT pops up. I tried shaking it like an etch-a-sketch. See if that would make it go away. Obviously not. I text my best friend about it. It said “bitch” and then a picture of the test. She was in shock and goes damnnn I’m gonna be a god mother. Obviously joking. She asked me if I told anyone else. I said “nope congrats! You’re the first to know!” And we laughed. The laughing stopped shortly after. I cried. I couldn’t believe I was pregnant and I really didn’t want to be. I was not emotionally ready to be a mom. I had so much work to do on myself. My relationship with my boyfriend wasn’t great. I was unemployed. We were in the middle of a pandemic. So many reasons why I wasn’t happy when I found out.

I went downstairs to get some water and my boyfriend came down and asked me what happened. I told him I was pregnant. I showed him the test. He asked what I wanted to do with it. I said “if I can, I’m aborting it. I don’t want it. And I don’t want to give birth.” You know what was really fucked about this? He asked if he could tell his best friend. I said yes. And his friend goes “you guys didn’t know? I was waiting for you guys to tell someone.” Apparently, my mood was off and me only wanting pasta was a huge kicker. It was even more evident when at 1am I was craving baked ziti pizza like hell. And I wanted nothing else but that. It was bussin.

We went to planned parenthood and found great resources. I found out in New Jersey, you could get an abortion at 22 weeks or 24 weeks the latest. But I wanted to get rid of this as soon as humanly possible. I was able to get an appointment at an abortion clinic a week after I found out I was pregnant and they were so helpful. Because I was so far along, I had to get a surgical abortion. And let me tell you something, that shit is a process! It’s a two day procedure. The first day is to dilate you, and the second is to take out the all the stuff that’s been accumulated. And they shove these hard plastic little pieces of death up your coochie to dilate you. They have to put in six. But they could only fit three. The doctor goes you’re too tight to fit all six. Of course I’m tight! This is uncomfortable. I can’t just open sesame to six hard plastic things being shoved up me the day before this abortion. I had to come back to get the others. My boyfriend was so supportive by the way. He spent the whole weekend with me. Told me how strong I was. All this other stuff too. The doctor told me to come in early the next day to avoid the “protestors” I use that term loosely because if your protesting involves harassing young women as they are already going through so much, then babe. You’re not protesting. You’re just hating women and trying to control them. I honestly almost forgot people still “protested” against abortions. Like of all things to be against. You’re against something that isn’t really any of your business anyways? Seriously?

Anyways. We get there around 7am. My boyfriend and my parents came. That was another thing, their reactions were priceless. Apparently everyone in the world knew I was pregnant except me. When I sat my mom down and told her I wanted to talk. She goes, “you’re pregnant right?” And then when I went to tell my dad he goes “you’re pregnant.” Remember that test I bought? They email the receipt… and that email was my dad’s. Both were equally supportive and respected my decision. I realized how fucking blessed I was to have them as my parents. I know a lot of people who never even told their parents they were pregnant, let alone telling them they were gonna get an abortion. My parents insisted on being there. And my dad was in protective mode because if a “protestor” came to harass me, my dad was ready. Him and my boyfriend walk me to the door because the pro-birth people started showing up. I go in and they have to shove those fucking plastic things again! It hurt soooo much this time. I was on the floor in one of the rooms screaming for help as loud as I could but it wasn’t that loud because I was in too much pain. I ended up throwing up in the trash. They took me downstairs, the pain went away, and they started the procedure. They took me to the surgery room and knocked me out. Next thing I know, I wake up in a different room. After 15 minutes, I walk out and my boyfriend and my dad are at the door. You know? I didn’t feel any regret or sadness afterwards. I will say, a week before the abortion I was sad. It hit me that I was pregnant I guess idk. However, the fear of being a parent was a lot stronger than whatever sadness I felt. But once the abortion happened, I was fine. You know what lesson I did learn though? I should definitely stop making pregnancy jokes.

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