I was young, immature, selfish and upset. Not a good combination for a 15 year old who knew her boyfriend didn’t quite “love” her anymore. I felt the relationship slipping away from my fingers and didn’t know how to handle it. Our parents were largely absent, and we were young teenagers sleeping together every night, and going to parties (with drugs and alcohol) on the weekends.
The last time we had sex, I just knew it would be the final time. He wasn’t into me anymore and I wasn’t ready to let go. I wanted a little more time with him. I let myself get pregnant with the intention of having an abortion. In my 15 year old mindset, it was the only way to buy a little more time with him. How absurdly foolish.
In the end that’s what we did and I learned a lot about myself and grew a lot. I learned that I am worth more than my body. I empathize and understand how young teenagers aren’t capable of thinking about long term consequences and can make emotional, selfish decisions. What I did was awful, but I was still a child who was living a very adult life and didn’t know how to deal with adult emotions and wasn’t thinking about possible lifetime repercussions. Although rare, I realize my dark story isn’t an isolated incident and shouldn’t be outcasted.
