7 years later and I still haven’t confronted my feelings about my abortion.

by Y

May 6, 2020

It has been 7 years since I had my abortion, I was 19. I am now 26. till this day it always comes in to my head, I never shed a tear or showed any emotion towards it until now.  I thought I wasn’t “normal” because I was so relieved it was over.

19 – first relationship to a man who already has a kid with someone else, who is also almost 10 years older than me, who got married behind my back and also gave me STD, Didn’t even bother coming to the abortion with me, cut me off and told the only person in my life I could trust. My cousin… my family would disown me and my life would change forever. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.. I remember every single detail.

I’ve always wanted to talk openly about it but been extremely scared and judged, I would tell people who would ask “oh I had a miscarriage” because I was so ashamed. I hated to lie. But I felt like I would be judged less.

Till this day no one still knows besides my cousin, my best-friend and the nurses that helped me with my process. There is a hole deep in my heart that I have covered up pretty well. I feel like I let myself down, my family down. And god. No one should ever go through something like this alone.  Talk to some one.. post a blog. Regardless if it’s 1 month to 10 years. It matters.

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