6 months postpartum and pregnant again

Although I have always been pro-choice I never thought I’d be someone going through with an abortion. I was always really good at taking birth control and practicing safe sex. The only times I initially got pregnant were with my first two kids. I just recently (6 months ago) gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. But that pregnancy plus labor and delivery was a very painful long 9 months. As you can imagine I was ready to get back to having my body feel normal as well as getting out and living life again. I had so many plans. The moment I saw the second pink line appear my heart sank. The thought of being pregnant again and giving birth at the end of the year made my stomach turn. All my plans for myself, with my kids, family went out the door. On top of the fact we had no room for a 3rd baby. I knew very shortly after that what I wanted to do. I made an appointment online and was lucky to have the medication pills delivered to my home within 48 hours. I cried a lot. I went back and forth in my head but at the end of it I knew what was best for everyone, including this child. I wasn’t in the right place emotionally, mentally, physically and financially to have this baby. I felt more guilt to bring a baby in this world when I wasn’t completely ready. And they deserve that much. I never believed that a soul entered a body until it had its first breath. More that our body prepares a vessel for the newly emerged spirit. So I do believe that if I am meant to be their mother they will find me again.