30yo, 3rd Abortion, Still Not Ready

I had my first abortion at 24, the second at 29, and the third at age 30. Each time has held an immensely different weight and context. I’ve been with the same person for the last 2. I thought I couldn’t stand the shame of a third abortion. Or the heartache; constantly wondering when will I finally learn/be ready/grow up/find the right love and support? My partner told me he didn’t want to be stuck with me forever when I told him I was considering (for the first time) keeping it. I knew I couldn’t stand risking my life/mental health or anyone else’s any further. And I couldn’t settle on an unsupportive partner to be a coparent. I’m still not sure how I feel about my choices, but I’m glad I have one at all.