I was lucky to meet my soulmate at a young age – on goth night at an all-ages dance club, no less! While we knew we had something special, we had an open relationship for years. We were both independent and wanted to have a variety of experiences, sexual and otherwise, before deciding what to do about the deep feelings we had for each other.
During a prolonged break in that relationship, I had one of the most fun years of my life, casually dating and sleeping with several people, a happily single person enjoying her 20’s. With the AIDS epidemic in full swing, I was more concerned with the risks of disease than getting pregnant. Then, at the end of a very hot date – with someone I absolutely had no intention of seeing again – the condom broke. We had used spermicide so I thought we were covered and c’mon – what were the odds?
Well, odds be what they may, within a couple of weeks I started feeling strange and did some concerning calendar math. I bought a pregnancy test from the old guy who ran our block’s dingy corner store – the same guy who sold me cigarettes back in those days. Of course it was positive. I was very self-critical, chiding myself for being irresponsible and having “too good a time,” echoing the sex-shaming I’d retained from my Catholic upbringing. I went into a deep period of isolation and reflection on what I really wanted from my life.
One thing that I did not consider, not even for a minute, was staying pregnant. I knew from the time I saw the second pink line that I would have an abortion. I had to wait two weeks with worsening early pregnancy symptoms for my appointment at the nearest clinic, and it cost an entire paycheck. It was a small price to pay to get my life back on track. The procedure itself was calm, professional, efficient, and clinical. I felt like myself again in about 24 hours.
Over the next few months, my soulmate and I reconnected. We’ve been married for 25 years. Our life is full of adventure and love, and rather than having kids, we committed to rescuing dogs and cats, whom we spoil wildly. It took years for me to tell my partner about my abortion – I never felt obliged to do so. Eventually, I was compelled to start telling my story, so it felt like the right time to share. Turns out that he and an ex-partner had also chosen abortion to end an unwanted pregnancy back in our single days. We marveled at how our ability to make safe, legal choices concerning reproduction made it possible for us to have the incredible life we have now. My sincere wish is for everyone on the planet to have equal and equitable access to the critical right to determine their own reproductive fate, knowing first hand how it can shape a life.
