3 months later

I had just turned 21, working part time and in school. I wanted to live my life and enjoy my twenties, I never was even sure kids were going to be part of my plan. I have a boyfriend, we were dating for less than a year at the time. I found out I was pregnant because I was feeling nauseous for a week and I didn’t think anything of it because I had started new medicine, but then my period was a week late. I told my boyfriend I wanted to take a test, he truly didn’t think I was pregnant but agreed and bought me a test. I took with with him and when I tell you we were beyond shocked. I went to the store and bought 2 more tests. He was supportive and said the decision was mine and he would support me either way which was comforting and made me feel better. I scheduled the surgical abortion for about 2 weeks after finding out.

The day of the abortion feels kind of like a blur to me just because of how upset I was. The protestors were outside coming up to my boyfriend’s car which gave me more anxiety, but my planned parenthood had a man who was a doorman and made me feel safe. I cried the whole time, during the ultrasound, waiting, talking to the doctor, during and after the procedure. I felt so alone and empty, but also so liberated and free. I knew I was doing what was best for me, but I couldn’t help think about having a baby that was part of me and part of the man I love. It was quick, kind of painful for me, but not horrible. I had a nurse holding my hand the whole time, I wish I could thank her today, she is what got me through that day.  I know I am strong for going through this, but also so so sad. No one can understand unless they have been through it.

This happened in February and it’s now may, 3 months later and I am not close to being healed from this, but it does get easier. It is something I will live with for the rest of my life. I definitely have days where I am more upset about it, but definitely better than I was. I think about it everyday, and think about how different things would be if I was pregnant right now, and I know when the due date comes I’m gonna grieve all over again. But I am taking it one day at a time. If you choose to get an abortion, know that you are strong, and you are not alone. Abortion is normal, and nothing to be ashamed of, doing what is best for you is never shameful.