3 by 23

by Anonymous

September 8, 2020

I’m sitting here waiting for the time to pass at work before I take my 2nd round of pills by medical abortion. I’m definitely scared. I know this is what I need to do though, I’m not financially nor emotionally ready to raise a child.

But on a different note, I’ve already done this twice before. But those times I had surgical abortions. Growing up you’re taught that it’s sooo morally wrong and it’s a taboo topic and you think nobody does this. Well, when you just turned 18 and your boyfriend moves to a different state to be with another girl, it’s really the only option. I was terrified. I was pregnant???? No…. couldn’t be. My friend took me to the clinic and stood by my decision, I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. I was an emotional wreck, they almost postponed the appointment because they thought I was unsure. No I knew what I had to do, I was just going through a lot, my (ex) boyfriend didn’t care, wasn’t replying to me, all around terrible guy. So I was basically having a panic attack in the waiting room. Once we went through all the counseling and education I was brought into the procedure room. Again…. terrified. I had no idea what to expect. They hooked up and IV and gave me drugs and man.. I felt good. I swear I was laughing the whole time. And honestly it was probably more scarring for my friend sitting beside me holding my hand. It was a good experience, I don’t even recall if anything hurt. I felt like the most relieved, blissful person in the world afterwards and to this day I can’t imagine life being the other way around. I am so happy with my decision.

My second abortion was also surgical. This was a few years after my first one. I was about 20, with a guy I wasn’t dating and we both agreed this was the right path. He needed some convincing, as I was 100% sure, I honestly didn’t see a future with him, but he supported me in my decision. We went to the same Planned Parenthood as the first and I knew what to expect so I really wasn’t too nervous. He knew about the first one too. We waited together, went through all the same steps, and finally I was taken back into the surgical room. Now…. I don’t know if the laws changed with sedation/medications or what, but I knew from the jump they didn’t sedate me very well. I felt the numbing shot in my cervix (not pleasant whatsoever), so after that I’m like okay it’s numbed, should be better. NO. Okay, I really don’t want to scare anyone because I would do it over again in a heartbeat, but this time it hurt a bit worse. I was crying and it felt very crampy (I am also a wimp with pain). I think I definitely scarred this guy that came with me. But afterwards, same feeling, extreme relief. I am not pregnant anymore. This guy is now engaged to a girl, I have a boyfriend who I love and there’s no baby making things complicated. It’s like you have your dreams back, there’s not a cloud blocking your sun.

So now, like I said, I’m waiting for the 24 hours to be up so I can take my 2nd round of pills. I’ve been reading everyone’s SYA stories and it’s made me feel so at ease even though I’m so scared. Right now I am 6 weeks, and I’m hoping my experience is similar to those who posted saying it’s basically a heavy period. I’ve had a good experience so far with the first pill, no nausea or spotting, so I have my fingers crossed. I may upload a new story once this passes so others can know that it is not the end of the world. I also just want to add that if you feel like this is the right option for you, or you do not want children yet, PLEASE…. please highly consider it. I do not regret a single thing. I would be pregnant with my 3rd child right now and that’s exhausting to even think about. I want to continue my education, I want to travel with my boyfriend. I promise that it’s not always feelings of grief and loss (although that’s okay), but more of a wake up call surrounded by relief and excitement for the future.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!