24 and 4 abortions later

I’m going through my fourth abortion as I type this. I’ve been reading these stories for an hour and have decided to tell mine.

I live in a red state and with the war on women’s health happening I have told no one except my partner and a close friend.

I grew up in a Christian family, I protested abortions when I was too young to even know what abortion was.

My first abortion was at 18, I was with my high school sweetheart and even though we never talked about it. I know he had grown up with the same Christian beliefs as my family. I felt forced keep it a secret. I figured if he knew, and wanted to keep it I wouldn’t have the strength to say no. That was a wayyy bigger decision than to just keep it a secret and go ahead with the abortion. So that’s what I did. It was the best decision I could have made for myself, because not even 2 months later he told me he wasn’t ready to settle down, that he wanted to party and be single. To this day he doesn’t know how much I went through, or the choice I made.

After my first abortion I saw several doctors to talk about my options. I had been on the depo shot, but I had adverse effects and had to stop getting it. I wanted to talk about sterilization, of course I was ignored. I was made to believe I just wasn’t old enough to know, that I would change my mind, and 7 years, and 3 abortions later my mind has never wavered.

I still can’t find an obgyn that will hear me out and help me out. Like I said I’m going through this again right now and it doesn’t get any easier, if anything it gets harder, it’s harder for my body, my emotions, my spirit for every part of me. I just want to be able to have someone take me seriously when I say I don’t want to be a mother. I’ve never wanted that. I love being an aunt of 5 amazing nephews, and I love kids, but motherhood is not for me.

Thank you for letting me share my story and know that whatever you choose, it’s okay. It will be okay, you will be okay.