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23 years old and the right decision

by Laura

August 6, 2019

HOW I FOUND IT OUT AND WHEN:

I was 23 years old and I was in a relationship with a man 6 years older than me. He was already dad of a 7-year old girl. I got pregnant 6 months after our first meet, but I wasn’t in love. At the time I was graduated since 1 year and soon I would have started working for a great company. That was a really important moment of my life and it had to be taken with the right approach! Of course the situation in which I found myself it wasn’t good for me. I didn’t want to become a mum in that moment.

The 2 pregnancy tests which I have made at home resulted both negative, but my period didn’t show up anyway, that’s why I decided to get my blood checked. When I got the results I literally freaked out: I was 5 weeks pregnant! It was a real punch in my face. Becoming a parent was absolutely the last thing I was thinking about. The first person who I told about my pregnancy was my brother. He is older than me and he is a nurse. I will be forever thankful to him for his reaction and his way of helping and supporting me throughout the whole process. He is the best brother in the world!

When I found it out my feelings were of anger, fear, desperation, sadness. Nothing remotely positive. So, I wouldn’t say that the choice was easy for me, but still it was not the most difficult. I knew it was the right option in order to continue living my life as a young and curious girl, and above all, I was sure of what I didn’t want.

One of the most difficult things to do was telling it to my parents, in fact it took me almost 2 weeks to convince myself to talk with them. They knew about my boyfriend, but they didn’t want to meet him or to know more about his life. Firstly I told my mum. It has been super hard for her to accept the situation, she was very desperate and she wanted me to keep the baby. She truly believed I would have been a great mum. I wasn’t of the same mind, not at the time of my life with those circumstances. After a lot of cries and talks she has been very brave and she finally accepted my mind and helped me in the process, even if she wasn’t completely agreeing with it. The most shocking reaction was the one of my dad. He is one of these people who never tell you what you have to do even if you are their child, they let you decide how to grow up and how live your own life. He took it quite good, let’s say that he didn’t cry, he wasn’t desperate at all. He only told me: “You are old enough to take our own decisions and you are the only person who can decide what to do now, so do what’s the best for you”. Again, this was his own way to show me his support and I have really appreciated it. I love my family so much, they have been all supportive and understanding with me even if the situation was hard and difficult. I was truly relieved after telling them the truth. I was also thankful to my best friends, who have been with me since the first moment and never judged my choices.

THE ABORTION PROCESS:

When the doctor confirmed me I was 5 weeks pregnant he also explained to me that I could have had an abortion through a pill, called Ru486. It required a pregnancy within the first 7 weeks, so I was still in the right period. After some awful and long days of exams and waiting in which I hoped to get a natural abortion in order not to face the whole process, it finally came the day of the abortion. The first day I was with my dad and my brother, there was no need of two people but they decided to come both with me; I felt really lucky to have them close. On that day there was just another woman at the hospital for the same reason. I felt connected to her immediately. I was anxious, I was scared, I was impatient, I wanted it to be over. During the first day, the hospital staff checked my pregnancy state, they took my blood for some exams and gave me this little pill called Ru486 which contains a substance which stops the pregnancy growth. That day I stayed at the hospital for 6 hours but I didn’t feel anything. After two days I had to go back to the hospital to get another pill and this time I was with my mum. I got checked again and after signing 100 papers and documents they inserted this little ovule. Then, they told me to lay down on my back and to try to relax. In the first hour I didn’t feel anything. One hour later the pain came. Firstly it was a light pain, like a normal period, then it became bigger and bigger. At a certain point I couldn’t feel my body anymore. To me the process has been really really painful. I have lost a lot of blood and the nurses gave me some painkillers through vein. It took me at least 30 mins to calm down and not to feel so much pain anymore. During those hours at the hospital I have been scared, I have cried, I have screamed, I threw up 4 times, but my mum has been there beside me all the time. At the end, after around 3 hours, the pain slowly got lighter and then it slowly went away. I got checked again and the staff told me the abortion had a positive result. I felt immediately relieved. I made it. I would have returned to be a normal 23 years old girl. I couldn’t wait for it. The days after the abortion were hard, sometimes the pain was strong and sometimes inexistent, but I was anyway relieved and happy. I felt free again and I have never regretted my choice.

WHAT I SUGGEST YOU TO DO:

You are the only person who has the right to decide what to do in this case. You should tell your situation to a person you really trust. If you are lucky like I was, you can tell your family and even if maybe at the beginning they wouldn’t understand you, then they will do anything in order to help you. Believe me. That’s how a family works. If you can’t tell your parents, then you should tell it to your boyfriend, a sister, a brother, a cousin or simply a close friend, but don’t keep it only for you. It’s not healthy for you. The people who love you will be supportive and will help you to find a solution. In any case you won’t feel alone. Whatever you will decide to do please don’t feel wrong or guilty because inside you there is always an answer, you just have to find it. After taking the decision (or also in order to take it) you should find a good doctor who can listen to you. In my experience I have found amazing doctors and people who have never judged me and who have been really direct and sincere with me in everything. I suggest you to listen to them. If you will choose for the abortion through the pill (if you are still in the right time of the pregnancy) try not to be scared. At that time the baby is still so little that it won’t feel any pain, it is not formed yet (for instance mine had no heart). So, try not to worry about it. Be prepared to what you are going to face, it won’t be easy but it will be over sooner than you think. Doctors say that the abortion process could be painful. As I told you I felt a lot of pain, but the woman who was with me and had the same process didn’t feel so bad. She didn’t throw up or ask for painkillers. As you can imagine it’s really a subjective experience and you cannot know in advance how your body will react to it, so stop asking yourself how it will be. You will go through it, don’t worry. You have to be brave but remember that you are not alone and that you are acting for yourself and for anyone else.

I wish you good luck in this! You will feel better after it. Promise.

 

With love,

Laura

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