I was 21 when I had my first medical abortion. I’ll never forget this day as if it happened just yesterday, my period was a day late and I just knew something wasn’t right so I bought a test and took it at work because I was so anxious but was confident that it would be “negative” but those two bold lines popped up so quick and I literally felt my heart sink when I looked at it. I started bawling and couldn’t keep it together for the rest of the day at work. The first person I called was my sister because she had gone through this before and I knew she would be the best person to get advice from. Then I called my boyfriend at the time and the first thing he said was “you have to abort it”. I had so many emotions but just felt so sad. I had no support from the person I thought would be there for me the most. I took the first pill at 5 weeks 6 days. I fell into major depression and started having horrible anxiety and panic attacks over time. I had so much guilt that I felt like I couldn’t heal. As years went by the pain started slowly fading and I slowly started feeling “normal” again. I would still think about it from time to time. I promised myself I would never put myself into this position again of having to get another abortion but of course life doesn’t always go as we plan for it to…
5.5 years later at the age of 26 I had an accident happen and had another positive test. This time I was 6 weeks along when I took my first pill. This time I didn’t break down. I knew this wasn’t the right time for me to become a mother yet as I am trying to get my life together and make the best life for myself and eventually I do want a child when I know that I am 100% ready. I still felt emotional because I really didn’t want to go through this again but I knew that this time I would be stronger and had more of a support system to help me get through this. It is now exactly 4 weeks since I took the first pill and I am okay. I have a supportive partner that gave me the choice of what I wanted to do with my body instead of telling me what I HAD to do. My best friend has been here for me also with support as she has also had two medical abortions. I over thought the whole thing before actually going through with it because I had a fear that I would go through the same horrible experience that I had the first time. I forgive myself for both times because now I understand that accidents happen and you can’t punish yourself forever. I also understand now that abortion is completely normal and part of healthcare and nothing to fear. It is a healing process but I promise you will be okay 🤍
