I had 2 abortions by 22.
Most would think that it was unprotected sex and multiple men right? Not the case.
I was in a new but very loving and understanding relationship in March of 2016 when birth control failed me. I had no idea I was pregnant when I missed my period. In complete denial of my slightly changing body and hormones, my boyfriend drove up the street to the drug store, bought ice cream and a pregnancy test. I literally laughed at him, joked around about what he’d owe me when it was negative and mocked him for thinking I was pregnant. I handed him the completed test without even looking at it and walked upstairs. When he came up with a bowl of ice cream and the test in his hand I fell to the floor. I was indeed pregnant. At 20 years old, in community college with a pathetic entry level job and debt racking up by the second I couldn’t fathom raising a child. While it wasn’t in my boyfriend’s beliefs he was supportive of my decision to have an abortion. I was only 5 weeks and 3 days along. A medical (pill) abortion could be done in the comfort of my home and while scary, I don’t regret the decision to choose me, my future, and give my boyfriend and I the time to really grow in our relationship before adding a child to the mix.
After that first abortion, although I had zero regrets I also didn’t want my reasoning to be in vain. So I finished school and obtained my Real Estate License and began working for a local brokerage. My career was finally taking off and I was able to pay off debt and live comfortably.
One little mess up on my birth control (I forgot a day) and the end of June 2018 (my boyfriends premonition, again) I found out I was pregnant. This time at the height of my career. Financial stability and confidence in my relationship was no longer the issue. This time it was completely timing. My boyfriend was deploying overseas within the next couple of months. Leaving me alone the entire pregnancy and possibly even the birth of our first child. At the end of the day, I’m not that strong and he didn’t want that for me. I was barely even 5 weeks. The doctor could hardly even see anything, while searching around on the ultrasound monitor, she was asking me if I was sure I missed a period and that the test was positive. Lo and behold, there it was. A tiny…being. A lifetime of responsibility I would have to endure if it wasn’t for having a choice.
Not a single family member knows, they are intolerant to women having a choice. My mother was a teen Mom, and while I’d wish she’d want different for me. She would want me to “live with my mistake”, she would want me to “bear the responsibility because it was my choice to have sex”.
I’ve stayed silent and ashamed, until now. Even at times in my relationship, with all the love and support he’s given me; I sometimes feel ashamed because it’s something that’s hardly discussed. The stigma is real and it needs to be dealt with.
I’m 23, financially stable, loving my career, happy in my relationship and hopeful for the future. No regrets.
