Still now, I don’t have feelings about it, and it’s been 14 years.

by Anonymous

January 2, 2018

When I was a sophomore in high school, I met David, who was a senior in high school. Over the next two years, we’d get together, smoke pot, and have sex. I was on birth control when we started seeing each other. One time when he was home from college, I wasn’t on the pill any longer and we had unprotected sex. Because we were under the influence, we hadn’t talked about it, and I didn’t realize we hadn’t used protection until after when I went to the bathroom.


I told David I wasn’t on the pill, and he said, “Don’t worry–I’ll come with you to have an abortion.”


A few weeks later, I knew I was pregnant. I had cramps, but I hadn’t yet missed my period. David was back at school, and I knew I wasn’t going to have a baby. I took myself to an abortion clinic after looking one up online. I lied and said that I had missed my period by two weeks even though I hadn’t, and they gave me a pregnancy test.


It came back that I was pregnant, and I told them I’d like to have an abortion. They said they’d do an ultrasound and then they did. Because I was just under 6 weeks pregnant, they had to use the ultrasound wand and insert it into my vagina. On the screen, the technician showed me a circle. She said that was the fertilized egg. I said okay and wanted to proceed.


I didn’t have any feelings about the circle on the screen, and I didn’t have any feelings about having the abortion. Still now, I don’t have feelings about it, and it’s been 14 years.

Because I was so early into pregnancy, I was able to take RU-486. They gave me the pill and wrote a prescription for suppositories for nausea. I went to the pharmacy, picked up the medicine, went home, said to my mom that I was having an abortion, and lied in bed the rest of the night while I had a really crampy experience that felt like a really awful period.


My mom made me pasta with butter.


A year later, I saw David downtown and told him. We hooked up again, and he said he was sorry that had happened. He was still a flaky jerk.


I didn’t see him again until two summers ago. There was a group of guys smoking pot on the street where I lived. He said my name, and spoke to me. I couldn’t believe he was still acting the same as a high schooler would act. I was curt and went inside.


Sometimes, I think about what it would be like to have to talk to him regularly, about child support or about our child. Sometimes, I wonder what having a 14 year old would be like, but I’m always grateful.

My advice is to know your body and catch your pregnancy early on so you can terminate it through taking a pill, not surgery.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!