10 years of abuse, two years of recovery

by Michael

February 1, 2022

Content Warning: rape

I am a transgender man with severe gender dysphoria around the idea of carrying pregnancy and giving birth. I was in an abusive relationship where he forced me to have sex without protection. He forced sex on me even when I didn’t want it and I felt like I couldn’t say no because he would get violent.

My first abortion was at 17. I cried on the table as they sedated me for the procedure. I said goodbye. I got a copper IUD because I was sick of him controlling me and trying to get me pregnant but I still was in denial that the relationship was abusive and that he was actually assaulting me through coercion.

My second abortion was after I had to take the IUD out due to it not working with my body. Immediately, my ex started taking off condoms during sex. You see, he didn’t want me to be a transgender man. This was directly transphobic violence. When we met, he knew I wanted to transition and he pretended to accept me… but eventually he broke me down slowly and forced me into the closet again. He wouldn’t let me go on hormones like I wanted. Part of him wanting to assault and impregnate me was his attempt at conversion therapy, telling me I wasn’t a real man.

If I was not able to get my abortions, there’s a very good chance I would of ended my life. If I somehow managed to carry, I would of been tied to a sexual predator for life, who would have rights to visit innocent children. Abortion saves lives. It allowed me the control I desperately needed when I had none.

The relationship ended and while I now struggle with PTSD; I’m slowly healing. There is one thing I know: abortion was the right choice.

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