Like many on here- I could not fathom the positive pregnancy test I decided to take at work 10 days ago. I have been regular with my period my entire life, although I have been on/off birth control, I just always kind of knew my cycle. Well- that might’ve been my downfall. My boyfriend and I used Plan B one night when I was changing my pill and it failed. My immediate thought, at 26 years old, was that I was not keeping this pregnancy.
I come from an amazing family, support system, great friends, and just never thought I would ever get an abortion. Maybe it was just me being naive. But here’s the thing – IT IS NOT A BAD THING. I have been pro-choice my entire life, but something happens to you when you are put in this situation. I kept going from “I am definitely doing this, it is 2019, and this is perfectly acceptable” to “Is this perfectly acceptable? am I doing something seriously wrong that is going to fuck me up the rest of my life?” Those were my main two thoughts that I couldn’t get out of my head and to be honest, 1 day post- abortion, I still have them.
I was very fortunate to find out I was pregnant (still can’t believe I was) super early, go to the doctor 6 days ago (with that dreadful confirmation), and have an abortion yesterday. For all of you that are reading this that haven’t gotten one yet- your mind will be the worst thing about the process and the fear of the unknown. I decided to do surgical because as a high anxiety person, I needed to be with medical professionals in a clinic setting because I knew that this would make me feel better. I cried the entire time except during the procedure since I had the twilight sedation. To be honest, it felt like an extensive annual gyno exam with some added instruments. I didn’t feel any pain during, just some dizziness after, and the entire team of doctors and nurses that I had- left me speechless. They were amazing. The healing process the day of was just cramping and some spotting. I also received the Mirena IUD so I know this cramping/spotting could go on for a little while longer.
I wanted to write my story on here because abortions happen to anyone, they are very normal, and the nurse kept telling me 1 out of 3 women now have had an abortion. I wanted to write on here for everyone experiencing that gut wrenching anxiety leading up to the abortion to even after when you are not sure how you feel. That is currently the boat I am in right now- to be honest, I am not sure how I feel. I read another story on here where someone said that abortion was part of her life, but wouldn’t become her life. I know this experience will stick with me forever (whether it be positive or negative, in many ways it is both), but I will not let it consume me. I had a safe, legal abortion and it made me continue living my life that I want to live right now. I hope you all find peace and comfort in your own situations as well and know that you are not alone nor will ever be by any means. xoxo
