I got pregnant over thanksgiving break. I went to see A., the son of an old family friend that I had reconnected with and was seeing long distance.
I knew something was up when my period was late. It was late during finals week so I thought the stress of school and going on and off nicotine would delay it. I was cramping for a week and my boobs felt sore, but not in the right way. Not in a I’m about to get my period way, my body was acting slightly different. But I ignored those signs and just pushed through, hoping my period would come eventually. A week later it never showed up and I took the test. The first test was positive, as well as the next three tests. As a broke 20 year old college student, I was not in the place to have a kid. I want more for my future and career. Also the father was not in a place to have a child, he is about to go to boot camp and start his life away from home. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel sad about it. Quite the opposite. It also didn’t help that my parents wanted me to keep it.
I took the mifepristone 12/20/2019 where I was 5 weeks 6 days pregnant. It was a friday and my friend was able to come with me to planned parenthood. I’m so glad she was because it made the load much easier on me, emotionally. She was able to take some of that burden. I got home and sobbed for hours. I took the misoprostol the next day and had the worst pain of my life. There was so much blood. I had the 800 mg of ibuprofen and was rueing the opioid crisis for taking away the good pain relief medication and trying to sleep through it. Did not work as I was in so much pain I was in agony until 3 am, just me and a hot water bottle.
The next day I was on the road with my family driving the 12 hours to Dallas, to see the father of the baby I just aborted and his family. I am currently writing this is their home and it was the worst christmas/new years I have ever had. What hurts the most is how isolating this whole experience is. How even with all my friends and family around me, I still felt so alone. If I am by myself in a room for longer than 5 minutes I will start crying. A. didn’t want his parents to know, as they are pro-life republican christians. I didn’t want them to know either as it would be awful, but still there are moments, like when I went on a hike with just his dad, where there was a perfect moment of tranquility that could be ruined by telling him about my abortion. What’s done is done and I am leaving tomorrow to see some good friends that I can cry on.
Reading the stories posted here has immensely helped, as it takes away some of that isolation, as I’m not alone in this. So many other people in their own circumstances had to go through what I went through. It’s a relief to know that.
